Teen
Social Scene
From the FASlink Discussion Forum
For those of you who have/have had teens, especially girls, how
have you helped them navigate the treacherous shoals of the "head
games" that are played at that age?
What if any, behavior type elements have you had placed in your
kids' IEPs? The one time I managed to get a few in hers the school
didn't know how to measure them and so it was an exercise in futility.
Our just-turned
16 yo dd is attending our local public school in 9th grade. She's
holding it together remarkably well but I'm just waiting for her
to blow. She is blunt to the point of rudeness, has an odd sense
of humor at times, talks when she shouldn't, bosses others around
especially if she thinks they're doing something they shouldn't,
and of, course marches to her own FASD drummer. It doesn't help
that she's a year behind and so a year older than her classmates,
is 5'9" tall, willowy, and pretty to boot. She dresses as androgynously
as we will allow (she'd dress punk if she could) and just doesn't
fit in. I'm worried that one of these days one of the teen queen
bees is going to tell her to shut up once too often and Jo is going
to blow. If she does she'll get into trouble - I've already been
told that by the Ass't Principal. He knows all about her disability
but says that she must learn to control her behaviors nonetheless.
Thanks.
Patricia
Since the inability
to self regulate well is part of having FASD for many of our kids,
and is a direct result of having brain damage, tell your assistant
principal that you need a plan put in place to address her needs
in this area if she is heading for or has a melt down. Ask him if
she was in a wheel chair if he would say she has to learn to go
and up and down the stairs none the less. Ask him if she were low
vision if she would have to read regular text without accommodations
none the less. Ask him if she were schizophrenic if she would be
expected to stop hallucinating or being paranoid while on campus
none the less. Ask him if she were diabetic and did not do an adequate
job of controlling her blood sugar and began wandering around campus
in a diabetic haze if he would expect her to get it together without
help none the less. Ask him if she had been hit in the head with
a hammer and had problems regulating her behavior because of the
BRIAN INJURY if he would expect her to control herself none the
less. It is the same damn thing. She has a brain injury. He is expecting
her to check part of her disability at the door when she comes to
school - something she cannot always control and something they
need TO PLAN FOR , not punish for. Bring in a copy of the typical
behaviors of FASD kids off the SAMSHA website or some other reliable
source like the CDC and tell him you expect the schools to have
an appropriate plan for your daughters needs based on her disability,
as is the law according the Americans with Disabilities Act. Sheeeesh.
When my son
was heading back to a regular campus from a non public school, I
worked with the principal and counselor and psychologist at the
school to identify a place or places he could go when he needed
to take a break or be calmed down. He was given a pass from the
principal that he kept with him and they went through some "practices"
of situations where he might need to use it to go decompress if
he was escalating or becoming over anxious. He rarely needed to
do so, but just knowing he had that help and support if and when
he needed it was very reassuring to him. ALL of his teachers knew
of this plan and knew where to send him if he needed to cool down.
It was written in his IEP as part of is behavior plan. Three individuals
were identified as the people he could report to or could come and
escort him to a spot where he could calm down if he needed to. Worked
like a charm. Good PLAN.
Christine
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